The Cool Wall

The Cool Wall

A little later than intended due to a bank holiday weekend getaway, it is time to hatch my new feature. This is in fact the Birth of the Cool

As I outlined in my first post Beginnings I will be adding some regular features and Merlin’s Premier League Stickers of the Week will now be joined by The Cool Wall that I will probably be adding to as well as making any necessary adjustments once a month or so.

Like its car-based cousin, The Cool Wall won’t reflect how good players and managers are or how much I (or potential guest judges) even like them necessarily: it will be massively subjective and yet built on some semi-coherent if partially inexpressible criteria. Also, there’s is no Jeremy Clarkson.

So without further ado, the inaugural 5 players or managers are…

Ricardo Sá Pinto, Ryan Shotton, Timo Hildebrand, Roy Hodgson and Lukas Podolski…

Ricardo Sá Pinto

Sartorial but hard as nails

Is there any doubt? There aren’t many managers who can stroll around the dugout rocking braces and white elbow patches but Ricardo knows what he’s doing. Ricardo Sá Pinto is S-u-b Z-e-r-o.

Ryan Shotton

Nice towel

Easy prey perhaps but a useful benchmark nonetheless Ryan Shotton’s status as a top flight footballer and his overall contribution to the sport can be reduced to 3 points:

1. He is good at drying the ball.

2. He has a throw-in that is a bit like Rory Delap’s.

3. He is not in fact as old as Rory Delap.

The only problem being of course that he doesn’t have a throw-in that is a bit like Rory Delap’s. It’s nothing like Rory Delap’s. There are no redeeming features. He is seriously uncool.


Timo Hildebrand

Super Timo

Ah, Timo! The journeyman goalkeeper is a rare breed indeed but it was not always this way for the man who once seemed destined to make the German no1 shirt his own. Timo spent eight often successful years at Stuttgart at the beginning of his career as one of the original jungen Wilden (young wild ones) but whilst some things change, in this case being cool does not.


Roy Hodgson

“So long suckers” – Roy on leaving Liverpool (may not be exact quote)

Firstly, I do actually think that Hodgson is a better choice than Redknapp for England in the short and long term but that isn’t important here, in fact becoming the England manager may even count against him. Globe-trotting Englishmen in football are few and far between however and for one to be hired by a club like Inter Milan on two separate occasions they have to be doing something right even if their major successes lay elsewhere! Since his return to these shores Roy has been an absolute hero, even being fired by Liverpool isn’t uncool given Suarez-gate(s)! A narrow escape indeed! So is Roy Hodgson in fact cool? No, but he’s certainly not uncool either.

Lukas Podolski

The Pod

The question of whether Poldi is cool would, just a few short week ago, have had an extremely simple answer; he is one of my favourite players and one that I scarcely allowed myself to believe would actually be joining Arsenal but therein lies the problem. On the Cool Wall’s car-based cousin if one of the presenters buys the car in question it is automatically demoted and there is an element of that here although for slightly different reasons. Your own team is often too close to home, especially with new signings that haven’t even played yet – how on earth will they get on??? You don’t want to count your eggs too soon, nor end up with them on your face further down the line. The only problem is… Lukas Podolski is undoubtedly cool.


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